my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
