I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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