He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
