No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
