I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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