Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My boob is missing a layer of skin
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
