You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
