I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
