Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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