Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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