i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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