It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
