then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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