i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
