I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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