remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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