he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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