honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
