You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
