now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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