I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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