can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
