So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
