Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
