haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
