i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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