I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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