Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
