Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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