Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
