I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
