Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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