i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
