Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
