I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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