Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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