i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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