She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
