Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
