How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
