I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
