I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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