Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
