Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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