She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
