i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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