worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up under a house in Key West
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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