we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
