Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
