bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize