mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
