I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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