Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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