were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found the puke drawer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
