google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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