i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Green mimosas i think yes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
