Just cropdusted the office
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
