I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize