i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
