dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
