Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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